Charlie and Dee Lose Their Virginity
by TotallyRandomGirl
Summary: The gang is playing a drinking game at Paddy's one night after hours when the topic of losing virginities is brought up, but Charlie and Dee were so drunk when they lost theirs, they can't really remember who it was with. They only remember how... CharDee oneshot, T for language


"Wait, wait." Dennis said, slurring a bit and spilling a few drops of his tequila shot on the bar as he leaned forward to look around Mac at Charlie. "What do you mean you don't remember who you lost your virginity to?"

"Yeah." Mac added. His head whipped around to face the man sitting to his left and he looked at him in confusion. "I thought you lost your virginity to Stacey Corvelli. I mean, I know you remember her and that whole mess where you thought that little shit head kid was your son."

"What are we talking about?" Dee asked as she entered the bar through the back door to see her brother, Mac and Charlie with about thirty empty shot glasses scattered along the bar.

"We, as in the three of us, were playing a drinking game." Mac replied to Dee's question, glancing to her before turning his gaze back to Charlie. "We're all comparing our firsts and whoever has the most pathetic story has to drink."

"And that means Charlie." Dennis said triumphantly. "He doesn't remember who the first girl he had sex with was."

"Wait now, that's not so pathetic." Dee said, joining her brother and friends at the bar. "I mean, I don't necessarily remember who I lost my virginity to either."

"I thought it was Brad Fischer." Dennis replied as he gave his sister a skeptical look. "Or was the Aluminum Monster more of a slut than we thought?"

Dee scowled and crossed her arms over her chest. "I wasn't a slut. I just had sex with some guy once before I started dating Brad and I don't happen to remember his name or anything about him."

"Alright, that's pathetic. Both you and Charlie have to take a shot." Mac said, pouring a shot of tequila and sliding it over to Dee.

"Now hold on..." Dee protested. "The rules are that the story has to be pathetic. Just because I don't remember this guy doesn't mean the story is pathetic. Hear me out. So, you remember when Dennis got invited to that party with all the popular kids and I was really upset because I never got invited to _anything_ and Mac, you and Charlie didn't get invited either so we all decided we'd crash it."

"Oh yeah, I remember that night." Mac said with a crooked smile. "That was the night all the popular kids realized how cool I really was and still am."

"No it wasn't." Dee said with a quick shake of her head. "Anyway, we all crashed the party and I went to mingle with some of the guys on the football team. They ended up getting me really wasted and this one guy convinced me that I he totally wanted to sleep with me. So he sent me to an upstairs bedroom and told me to wait. I waited in that room for three hours."

"Yep. That's pathetic." Mac said, raising the bottle of tequila to shake at Dee. "Drink up."

Dee narrowed her gaze at Mac and smiled bitterly. "I'm not finished yet. So anyway, I was drunk for the first time ever and sitting in this stranger's room waiting for some guy for hours. I started to realize he wasn't coming and that's when I got upset. I started crying and I felt helpless and ugly."

"Which is true." Dennis chimed in only to receive a slap on the arm from Dee.

"But then this guy walked in. He wasn't like all the other guys at the party, I remember that. He was kind of cute but he wasn't really my type. He was looking for the bathroom but when he saw me crying he came and sat down next to me and asked me what was wrong. I told him what happened and instead of laughing at me like some kind of _asshole_..." Dee paused and looked at Mac and Dennis as she emphasized the word 'asshole,' "he told me he understood what I was going through and that I shouldn't cry because one day I'd be like a beautiful butterfly and then everyone would wish they'd been nicer to me."

Dennis snickered and nudged Mac. "He couldn't have been more wrong."

"He was a gentleman, okay? And yeah, he may have been really, really drunk too but at least he was nice and sympathetic. Anyway, I kissed him and then he kissed me back and one thing led to another and we, well, you know." Dee shrugged and smiled. "So it wasn't so pathetic after all. In your faces." She then turned her gaze down the bar to Charlie. "Let's hear yours, Charlie. You may not remember the girl but you have to at least remember what happened, right? There's no way mines more pathetic than yours."

Charlie stared at Dee quietly before he shot out of his seat and started storming away. "I'm done with this game. You all win. I suck. I'm going home."

"Hey, you can't just quit like that!" Mac said, jumping to his feet to chase after Charlie. He followed his best friend out of the bar and grabbed his shoulder. "Where the hell are you going?"

"I told you I'm going home." Charlie answered as he pulled away from Mac. "This game is stupid."

"Look, if you don't want to share your story just take the shot." Mac said with a shrug. "I don't see what the big deal is."

"The big deal is that Dee stole my story." Charlie replied. "I mean, she changed some shit around but it's the same basic story."

Mac looked Charlie over in disbelief for a moment, his brow furrowing. "Wait, what do you mean she stole your story?"

"I mean she stole it, dude!" Charlie said irritably. "The whole part about it being at that party we crashed and the bedroom with the girl crying! That's my story! I was looking for the bathroom and I ended up finding this girl crying in some room and we had sex and it wasn't too bad. I mean, it was better than what happened with Stacey Corvelli anyway. And Dee stole it all! And then she's all _let's hear yours, Charlie_ because she knew she stole it and wanted to rub it in my face and-"

"Charlie." Mac cut Charlie off with a chuckle and shook his head. "Dude, you lost your virginity to Dee."

"What?" Charlie rolled his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. "Don't you think it's more likely that Dee found out about the time I lost my virginity and stole my story so I wouldn't have one?"

"More likely than you and Dee getting so shit-faced drunk that you totally banged and forgot who you were banging?" Mac said, feigning thought as he brought his hand to his chin. "Hmm, no. No, you totally banged Dee, dude."

"That's..." Charlie shook his head and turned away from Mac. "Dude, there's _no way_."

"Oh, there most definitely is a way and you did it!" Mac laughed loudly, always finding humor in Charlie's misfortune. This was almost too good to be true. "You took Sweet Dee's virginity and gave her yours in return! Oh man, this is priceless. Dee's going to flip shit when she finds out."

Charlie whirled back around and looked to Mac desperately. "Dude, you can't tell her! Everything will be so awkward. What if she tells other people? What if she tells the waitress!?"

"I doubt it's something she's gonna brag about." Mac replied. "But fine. I won't tell her."

"Oh man, thanks. I don't think I could face her if she knew and I knew and she knew that I knew and I knew that she knew." Charlie gave Mac a grateful smile. "Anyway, I should probably still head home. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See ya." Mac said with a small wave as he watched Charlie walk off toward his apartment. He turned back into the bar and sauntered over to the siblings who were bickering about pathetic stories. A wide smile spread across his face as he looked to Dee. "Drink up, Dee."

"What!?" Dee shouted angrily. "Dennis' story is way more pathetic than mine! I've heard it like a gazillion times and it's totally pathetic!"

Mac shook his head and let out a chuckle. "Not as pathetic as yours."

Dee looked Mac over skeptically and crossed her arms. "How do you figure?"

"Because out of everyone here, you're the only one who lost their virginity to Charlie Kelley." Mac's chuckle grew into all out hysterical laughter as he reclaimed the tequila bottle and waved it at Dee. "It doesn't get more pathetic than that."


End file.
